tick tock, time tremors, & tantrums

(warning: severe self-pity post ahead)

i'm going to celebrate my 10th anniversary of my 18th birthday next week. trust me, it's better than thinking about it as my 15th anniversary of my 13th birthday, or worse, my 28th birthday.

i really feel indifferent towards my birthday. it just reminds me again how little i've done so far. sure, i get to treat my family, officemates, my various kabarkadas, bambi (of course), etc. i don't really mind treating them out, but lately it's getting to be more expensive. but that's not my main beef.

i'm looking at my parents' marriage contract, they were both married at 26. and my dad was already in the forefront of his career by 28; heck he already had an asthmatic toddler by then (me). and here i am, still living at my parents' house rent-free (although paying for some minor utilities expenses), and will live in a house that my parents will primarily pay for. i guess that's the curse of being the son of a great man; it's quite a struggle to even peep out of his shadow. i guess that's partly the reason i didn't want to follow in his career path; i didn't want any more additional comparisons that i already subject myself to.

(it doesn't help that he started in the service at 21, which was quite young even for his batch; whereas i had grade 7, a 5 year course, and a board review that made me start work at 24, which is old for my batch.)

then i look at my contemporaries to see if i could see a pattern. i do; it's not the good one. since most of my contemporaries went to audit, they were able to go around the country and even the world, and because of the training, they even landed succeeding jobs that made them travel even more. and they have supervisory & managerial positions.

i look at my non-accounting contemporaries, and they have supervisory & managerial positions and travel around the world too.

of course, by the very nature of my job as a number-cruncher, my ass is planted on the chair to crunch numbers. in addition, i still maintain my aversion towards auditing.

still, it doesn't remove the fact that i'm still dependent on my family, i still am not even starting my masters, a number of my friends are married & have kids, and my work responsibility is only slightly better than when i first entered the work force.

on top of that, i'm 28.

28.

2 x 14.

most advice columns would say, don't keep up with the joneses, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, love what you have, live with what life has dealt you. but i've always felt that that's a defeatist approach to my situation.

i guess if one's stuck to the same process day in and day out, one loses track of time so much that you miss certain deadlines, certain opportunities.

i don't want to be satisfied. i want to do something.

what's the point of this post. i don't know. now i do know is that i have to take a bathroom break.

this sucks.

(as an aside: amando doronila, my favorite inquirer columnist, has been grilled at the commision of appointments for his appointment as ambassador to benelux. this also sucks.)