desperate depressing diaspora

(I hate to spoil everyone’s Monday, but here goes…)

Everyone’s leaving. This Filipino diaspora has been going on for years now, but it gets worse & worse. Personally, it hit my family when cousins & aunts & uncles began going to the US for as long as I can remember. Heck, my mother’s siblings & parents were already there before I reached the age of reason. Then, it was my father’s relatives. Then, it became weirder, since my classmates & friends were leaving. Correction: my classmates & friends are leaving. It has become too noticeable that on every get-together, a substantial number would be absent because this number was in the great califor-ni-a (or the big apple or the british isles or the land of oz or what not).

I remembered what my fellow blogger said as a reason for leaving: he wanted to leave before he learned how to steal. Then it hit me: the reason why I was so reluctant to leave in the first place. I have become part of the system we so despise. Heck, I even make excuses for it now, saying that’s how life is. But it shouldn’t be.

The ones who are leaving would’ve had a decent chance to succeed here if it weren’t for the constricting socio-economic-political conditions that resonate in this republic of bananas, bagoong, & binalot. Namely, if you don’t know anyone, you can’t make it good. Of course, everywhere else, knowing someone gives you an advantage; but here, you have to know someone to survive. Abroad, you can work hard (or not-so-hard, if you’re used to audit), and still get all the material furnishings that would take a lifetime to achieve here (plus knowing people).

In addition, living abroad is a sure-fire way to test your independence capabilities; somewhat like dumping an infant into the pool, forcing him to swim. Here, you’d still have to contend with your parents and your relatives. It takes a very strong will not to ask them for anything, and an even stronger will to refuse their offers for help. With the distance, it forces you to live on your own wits.

I’ve been putting off doing stuff, like taking my masters, living alone, and what not for the longest time. I don’t know why, then suddenly, everyone has left me behind, and I’m inching towards the 30s. I don’t know if thinking about the US is one of my impulses to do something now to my life. Of course, I realize that going abroad must be a holistic decision, not only because your significant other’s there. (If the goals meet convergent paths in the US of A, it would help though.)

What’s my point? I’m just depressed that everyone’s off for their better futures while I’m still twiddling my thumbs. I should do something, something that would make me achieve my goals. What goal, I only have a faint idea of getting rich; otherwise, I dunno. Fact is, I’m content, but i know my condition would change. I really have to prepare for what I want to achieve, but I have to know what exactly what I want first, or at least have a more specific idea of what I should become.